Attack of the Robot Unicorn
by InsideofChaos
Summary: Jazz is late as usual, the Twins are slacking off as usual, Wheeljack is causing things to blow up as usual, and Fireflight is good at Robot Unicorn Attack as...not usual. What? Crack fic. Prowl and I now have matching headaches. Ow.


A/N: So yeah, this is why I shouldn't play Robot Unicorn Attack at 1 in the morning. o-o; CRAAAAAAAAAAACK comes out of my brain. Also: this world/timeline? G1 2010, but TF:TM neeeeeeeeeeever happened. You didn't see aaaaaaanything. (ninja stare)

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, I don't own Robot Unicorn Attack, and I don't even own _Always_. They belong to their creators (Hasbro, [adult swim], and Erasure, respectively).

Key:

=_comm_=

~_thoughts~_

_lyrics  
_

* * *

Jazz was late for a meeting with Prowl – which wasn't all that unusual, the tactician thought sourly as he sat at his desk doing reports to waste time, except that this time Jazz was _four hours late_.

Finally, he'd had enough. He stood up from his desk quickly and with enough force to knock his chair over. The bang caused him to turn around, which led to him seeing his chair…on the floor. Prowl looked at the piece of furniture like he wasn't sure how it had gotten there, then bent down to right it while making a call.

_=Red Alert? =_

_=Here, Prowl. =_

_=Could you possibly locate Jazz for me? He's not answering his comm. =  
_

_=Uh…=_

_=Red Alert? = _

_=Yeah, he's in the rec room, but I don't thi- =  
_

_=Thank you, Red Alert. =_

Prowl closed the channel as he exited his office and headed for the rec room.

As he drew nearer to Jazz's location, he began to pick up the faint strains of some old, upbeat, pop song.

_Open your eyes I see  
Your eyes are open _

_Wear no disguise for me  
Come into the open_

Prowl felt a snarl coming on. ~_If he's kept me waiting four hours because of some party he and Blaster started on-the-spot, I'm going to put him on triple shifts and then have Ratchet reformat him into a microwave. ~_

_When it's cold outside  
Am I here in vain?  
Hold on to the night  
There will be no shame_

The SIC tore into the room looking like Ratchet when the twins had slagged him off…and promptly stopped.

Jazz and the Twins were dancing to the song, which seemed to be coming, not from Jazz's speakers, but the TV, which Bluestreak was sitting in front of with Fireflight, who was playing some ridiculous game. The rest of the room's occupants were cheering the Aerialbot on.

_Always, I wanna be with you  
And make believe with you  
And live in harmony,  
harmony oh love_

When Prowl took in this scene, his processor actually stalled for a moment, unable to comprehend. When he could think again, he took a closer look at the game that Fireflight seemed to be kicking aft at.

_Melting the ice for me  
Jump into the ocean  
Hold back the tide I see  
Your love in motion_

It seemed to be one of those horses that humans talked about - the mythical ones, oh what were they called – unicorns, yes. And it jumped, and apparently you got points for eating these 'fairies' that were more like floating chunks of rainbow – and what in _PIT_ was that? Was – was that a _dolphin_? A sparkly dolphin? That _giggled_? And oh Primus, the unicorn looks like Skywarp when he teleported after Sunstreaker lobbed a paint & glitter bomb at him once and apparently the unicorn shoots rainbows to blow up these huge stars that are blocking it's path and –

Prowl wrenched his gaze from the TV, sensing an impending processor crash. He ended up looking back at Jazz and the Twins, who had stopped dancing. Now Sunstreaker and Sideswipe seemed to be wrestling for no reason – oh wait. Sunstreaker had won, leaving Sideswipe on the ground, partially white with rainbow stickers all over him. He also seemed to have a fluffy rainbow tail. The kicker, however, was the horn that Sunstreaker had apparently glued to his brother's helm.

Sideswipe twisted himself around, inspecting the damage. He shrugged, and started singing along with the song.

The next thing Prowl knew, he was in Ratchet's medbay, staring up at an exasperated medic.

* * *

Prowl had a splitting processor-ache. To make matters worse, even though the medbay was _supposed _to be sound proof, he could_ still_ hear the music coming from the rec room.

_When it's cold outside  
Am I here in vain?  
_

Ratchet came into the medbay, closing the doors behind him. Thankfully, most of the music was shut out. Most.

_Hold on to the night  
There will be no shame_

Prowl rolled his optics at Ratchet, and got a sympathetic look in return. "How long have they been playing that?"

"Counting the time you were out of it?" Prowl nodded.

The medic actually had to think about it. This was a frightening development.

"Almost three days now."

Prowl's jaw dropped. "And how did none of us realize it?"

Ratchet growled, "Because Blaster was coverin' for 'em. But he and Wheeljack are finishing his new cassette today, so that's how you found out."

Just then, Ratchet's comm beeped for attention. _ What? _Ratchet growled as a greeting. Wheeljack's excited voice bubbled into the open air.

_=Hey Ratchet, the cassette's finished. You want me n' Blaster to bring her over? =  
_

Prowl snorted at the expression on Ratchet's face. The medic shot him a look that could kill, then answered.

_=Yeah, sure. =  
_

The med bay doors opened almost instantly. Prowl stifled laughter – Wheeljack and Blaster must've been right outside.

Before they could get inside, however, a silvery blur leaped from Blaster's arms, ran around the medbay several times, then right back out the door. Prowl had seen a glimpse of the new cassette's frame when it had passed him, but he was trying to block it out.

Blaster now had a unicorn cassette.

Suddenly, in it's attempts to escape from it's creator, the unicorn rocketed back into the medbay, Blaster hard on it's – no, _her _(wait, cassettes could be female? What?) - heels. Ratchet slammed the doors shut.

"I guess we just have to wait until she calms down, huh?" Wheeljack said, leaning on one of the berths as he watched the blur run around the medbay.

Suddenly, the blur stopped and stood exactly across from the medbay doors. The unicorn backed up, then sprang forward. Blaster leaped forward to catch her, but fell instead. Suddenly there was a flash of colored light, and the cassette was gone. There was now a smoking hole in the door.

The music, no longer being blocked by soundproofing, was still playing.

_Always, I wanna be with you  
And make believe with you  
And live in harmony,  
harmony oh love_

Ratchet turned around at the sound of falling metal. Prowl had become reacquainted with the ground when his processor crashed. "SLAGGIT!"

* * *

A/N: So, now that you're all going W.T.F., I'm just going to say, once again, that this is total crack and not to be taken very seriously. Also, how the HECK does one make a cassette, anyway? I mean, obviously Blaster needs somebody to build the frame, but...yeah, I'm just gonna stop talking now because NOBODY KNOWS.


End file.
